Blog Posts

I am always high maintenance

A Promised Land by Barack Obama is the next book I will read. But first I need to I finish James Baldwin’s Go Tell It on the Mountain.

I started Baldwin’s slim but deep novel a month ago. It’s short; only 225 pages long. Usually, I have my books read and reviewed within a week or two, but Baldwin’s story about a closeted homosexual coming of age in 1930s Harlem is so unsettling and ironically unspiritual that I have to carve out a specific reading time for it. It’s just not the kind of book you pick up and casually read.

Smokey snoring in the sunlight.

To read Baldwin, the house must be still. Gospel music needs to be playing softly in the background and natural light should be streaming in through the windows and glass door. At least one cat will be asleep and gently snoring. I will occasionally look up and notice dust dancing in the sunbeams. I will feel organic and peaceful and that is when I shall give this book the attention it deserves.

I’m not normally this high maintenance* but some books demand a certain reading ambience.

Why do they do this?

Obama’s book, on the other hand, will be a zippy read even though it weighs three pounds and is more than 700 pages long. In spite of its enormity, it will be fun to read, as long as I can convince my cat to stop sitting on it. Confession: I already snuck in reading Obama’s foreword and first ten pages and it really moves.

So why is Baldwin’s shorter book a more challenging read for me?

Because Obama writes for Americans whereas Baldwin wrote for a literary crowd. That’s my quick opinion.

I fell in love with Obama’s writing in the early aughts. Then I fell in love with his politics.

Both books are excellent for different reasons and I look forward to them. But before I finish Go Tell It on the Mountain and delve into A Promised Land, I need to finish this blog challenge. Only two more to #bloganuary prompts to go!

Just as I peeked ahead into Obama’s book, I peeked at tomorrow’s prompt and it looks like I’ll have to write something “mysterious.” Until then, thank you for stopping by! -Connie

*I am always high maintenance.

Woman charged with public decency

I’m a very public person. I like public libraries, public transportation, public radio, public parks, public events, public art and the public domain.

I comfortable with public displays of affection and I’m fascinated by public opinion, public enemies and people who run for public office.

I am grateful for public restrooms.

My passion for John Q. Public is personal. We unschooled our kids from 2005-2020 and I credit the public for providing them with a great education.

Unschooling is a touch more radical than homeschooling. It means you don’t follow a set curriculum. With a fervor, you follow the interests of your family.

For us, unschooling meant getting on our feet and discovering the public to the best of our abilities. It was a borderless education and we are proud of what we learned, who we met and what we did. We were invited into many homes, cultures and communities and provided with numerous volunteer activities. Jesse and I are forever grateful and the kids know it was special.

But nowadays they attend Rockford Public Schools and even when it’s stressful, they prefer RPS 205 to unschooling. Yes, they appreciate their unschooling experiences, but they’ve moved on. They value the structure and their independence, and enjoy looking ahead.

I have moved on, too, but am still passionate about my “cause” which is the public.

This morning’s haul.

On a smaller level, once a week (at least) I make it a point to take advantage of something “public.” I take a walk, I make a trip to the library, I listen to public radio, I check out public art or whatever. I just intentionally do something public. I believe every time I am out there in the world, even if I’m just picking up litter, I am adding a touch of goodness to the public.

On a slightly bigger level, a few times a year, I organize art or writing-based public events. Writing pop-ups, art parades, 5Ks, silent hikes and poetry caroling are examples of my free public events. I love them and am looking forward to figuring out what my “spring” event will be. I hope you come!

But if you can’t come, I hope you continue to read my (public) blog. I am so thankful that you still pop by for a quick visit. -Connie

The “On Your Mark” 5K was a family friendly fun run. There were dozens of art activists staged along the course to help keep the runners motivated to run…and create art!

The Goldie Rule

Got a call from my husband yesterday afternoon. He’s working in San Francisco for a few days. When he’s out of town, he usually calls in the evenings so I was surprised when I heard his special ringtone.

“Hi Goldie, everything OK?”

“I read your blog…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Spit it out, Goldie.”

“It’s good, it’s…Usually you aren’t so…so…”

“I know it’s bad but I couldn’t get there for some reason.”

“It’s not bad. It’s just…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“I understand, Goldie.”

That’s when I knew the life lesson I was going to share for today’s blog. It’s the golden rule for artists: No matter how corny the prompt (line, direction, play, etc.) is, give it your best. Don’t negate. Say “yes and…” Share what’s beautiful inside you, not what’s aggravating or annoying.

So, backing up a bit…Yesterday’s prompt was to write about a challenge that I “faced and overcame.”

My challenge is my vanity. Though I haven’t officially “overcome” it, I face it every day and have for many years.

I stopped wearing makeup and jewelry. I haven’t worn makeup since I was in my twenties, not even on my wedding day. When I got engaged, I stopped wearing jewelry and a few years ago, I stopped wearing my wedding ring.

I still long to wear thick rock-n-roll eyeliner and a deep, dark lip color. And I adore my pretty diamond ring. When I stopped wearing it, my hand literally felt wobbly and weak without it, as if I’d just had a cast removed. I had removed the “thing” that I thought was helping me heal. There are times I still feel self conscious without it.

But I don’t need makeup to say “I’m at a special event.” I don’t need a ring to say “I am married.” I don’t need anything except my mind to make me feel confident.

I like presenting myself without any social borders. Not wearing makeup or jewelry means there is nothing stopping me from having a truthful conversation. It says there is nothing stopping our collaboration from being fresh and unique. My bare face and unadorned presence are intended to be symbolic of me bringing nothing but my mind and a clean slate to our friendship.

It seems to be working. Generally speaking, nobody makes gagging sounds when they look at me. And men don’t exactly fall over themselves because they think I’m single and ready to mingle.

Most people I meet are honest, direct and look me in the eye. They do not care what I look like or how much jewelry I wear. They trust me and I trust them. It’s a wonderful world. I just hope my efforts haven’t been in vain.

Thank you for reading my blog. -Connie

I am not your guru

Is this the blog where I tell you something personal and inspirational? Where I take you on a word journey to a dark time in my life when I wasn’t happy but then became happy? Is this where I share with you that I made the radical decision to love myself?

Or do I write about that time I took a leap of faith? Looked the devil in the eye? Trusted a stranger? Found myself?

Am I supposed to confess something?

Here’s the deal: I’m passive. I don’t have the backbone to stand up to people; I’ll just move out of their way.

As for challenges, I don’t “overcome” them so much as roll with them, which is to say sometimes they roll over me. Flatten me, leave me for dead. Sometimes the challenge will throw itself in reverse and roll back over me again.

But all is not lost. I have other strengths. I am patient, reliable and adaptable. I’m creative, well read and have substantial technical skills. I know how to publish books and produce plays and podcasts, even in a pandemic. But if you’re looking for a strong, inspirational, David from David & Goliath type of person, bye.

Thanks for reading my blog! If I didn’t just totally lose your respect, see you tomorrow. -Connie

Pomp and Circumstance

It’s 6-something in the morning. It’s late spring so all the windows are open and fresh air is coursing through the house. It’s not a gentle breeze; the wind has an agenda. It pushes and pulls me until I’m awake.

There’s birdsong. I recognize it immediately. The sparrows are humming “Pomp and Circumstance.” It’s the kids’ natural alarm clock. It motivates them to go to school, get good grades and eventually graduate. Every day it gets a little louder; a little closer.

Sparrows, spare me I think. I dare not say it, or anything, out loud to the birds because that would break the spell.

I sit up, blink the sleep out of my eyes and look out my window. A thousand birds stare at me.

“School day! School day!” they sign.

“I know!” I sign back. “I’m up. We’re up.” I’m always a little groggy and ungrateful, at first.

I nudge Jesse. Pat his back, his bottom. That’s definitely him.

“Morning,” I say.

“No I’m not,” he says. Our little joke.

Master Bird Sir Edgar shakes his head at our morning routine. “Let him sleep in,” he signs. “He’s still growing.”

The others flap their wings.

More breeze. More wind.

“Bye Mama, bye Dad I love you!” We hear as our roof of birds flies up into the clouds with our children trailing joyfully beneath them.

“We love you, too!” I shout back up at them. Jesse hollers, “Have a good one!” and Master gives him a stern look. Jesse pulls the covers over his head and fake snores. Master is annoyed but the cloud of kids and birds laugh as they fly higher and faster to their destination. The humming fades as the kids disappear into their education.

Thanks to the spell, we’re a family with no cell phones, no iPads, no laptops, no computers, no cars. We rely solely on our imagination and wits (and a thousand birds) to get us where we need to go and right now coffee is where I need to go because coffee is a destination, not a drink.

“Ten-hut!” Master signs. “Hut two three four, hut two three four!”

The birds are back and start marching to our kitchen. Their tiny talons tap in unison throughout the house. The sound is light and tickles my mind, my heart.

The sparrows don’t judge us for being tall and featherless, but when Master first cast the spell, he irritatedly signed, “Humans talk too much!” as he slid an ancient contract to us.

Humans may talk to each other 
but must never speak to the sparrows 
lest the spell be broken.

“You overslept!” Master signs to Jesse. “Fall in!”

Jesse and I shoulder-roll into the line of birds and join the march. Hut two three four, hut two three four.

We’re in the kitchen, all of us.

Jesse signs, “There’s not enough coffee for all of us” and winks at the birds. Their little joke.

In unison, they all mime yawning. They love him.

“Enjoy your day,” Master signs to us, this time gently and peacefully. “For the rest of us, it’s nap time.”

Jesse signs back, “Thank you for everything.”

Jesse and I bow with gratitude to Sir Edgar and his orchestra of sparrows. They fly to the top of our house and form a roof. The fill it in nicely and snugly, just as they always do. A couple of them fake snore and giggle before they fall asleep. The house is dark again. Quiet.

“Kids won’t be home for awhile,” I tell Jesse as he pours our coffees. “What do you want to do?”

He hands me my coffee and smiles.

“This.”

Blogger’s Note: Thank you for reading my blog. Hope this one wasn’t too weird for you. -Connie

Emojis mean never having to say you’re sorry (or anything)

Sometimes I have so little faith in my ability to communicate through the written word that only emojis will do.

Emojis are succinct and immediate. Emojis are present; they live “in the now.” You can take them at face value, sometimes literally. 😮

But words? Words carry subtext. Words conflate. Words stir up the poopoo, especially on social media. I’ve learned the hard way it’s best to stick with emojis or say nothing at all.

But today’s prompt isn’t about my inability to effectively communicate on Facebook. It’s about the emojis I like.

I favor the “dark red heart” emoji and use it every day. The bright red heart is adequate, but I like the depth of a darker heart. ♥️ > ❤️

The nature emojis I use change with the seasons. 🦆🍁 🌳 ❄️ 🐝

Never underestimate the value of a randomly placed bikini. 👙

But my favorite emoji is one I no longer use. At my old radio job, most of our communication took place on a Slack channel. At the end of each work day, we were to post a “cooked shrimp” to signify we were “clocking out.” Every day around 5:00 p.m., the newsroom channel would populate with several cooked shrimp. No matter what was going on in the world of news, seeing all those cooked shrimps one after the other always gave me a belly-laugh. 🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤

Emojis, even the fishy ones, are the literary Skittles that satisfy my mind’s sweet tooth. I crave them every day. But I’ll always prefer a homegrown, home-cooked meal of words, sentences and paragraphs.👙You’ve heard of farm-to-table. I like mind-to-paper.

Thanks for reading my blog. ♥️ Connie

I hold my own hand

Alive

an acrostic about Amelia Earhart

Breezy weather

Only stoked her desire to

Lift off into the sky and

Dream free until she was

Lost forever to the wild blue

Yonder

One more soul is safe

a haiku about Harriet Tubman

Born with six senses

Humor was not one of them

But bravery was

Eloquence

a rhyme about Ruth Bader Ginsburg

She didn’t roll up her sleeves, pound her fists and holler

when engaging in legal fights

She slid on lace gloves and fluffed up her collar

and enunciated for all women’s rights

A shout out to Sister Souljah

Outspoken and smart

funny and brave

political as the day is long

a rapper an author an activist too

she’ll tell you why you’re wrong

A free verse for Frida Kahlo

I hold my own hand

when I look at Two Fridas.

Inside the museum,

your work takes me outside.

Through your brush I fly

to Mexico

where the untamed monkey

is elegant and knowing

and you are

exotic and fragrant;

your unplucked brow

refined.

Thanks for reading my blog. I love reading poetry more than writing it, but hopefully these verses I just penned express my appreciation for these outstanding bold women. -Connie

Here’s the thing

Specifically, today, I am grateful for the following five things:

  • The days are getting noticeably longer and it’s still light at 5:00 p.m.
  • The sidewalks are mostly clear of ice, salt and snow.
  • I have a new houseplant and when I spray it with water, its leaves glisten in the sun.
  • We recently purchased a Zerowater pitcher and we’ve been hydrating more because of it.
  • My oldest and youngest kids put a little color in their hair and it’s fun to look at them.
Angelo (12) and Jocelyn (17), fresh from the salon.

I do appreciate those “things” but I don’t want you to think I walk around Rockford in a state of idiotic bliss. I’m…how do I put this…I’m a cheerful pessimist. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I am quick to laugh, but rarely smile.

So…

If you check back in a week, the plant will be dead, the hair colors faded, I’ll have wiped out on a new patch of ice and my Zerowater pitcher will have cracked from the pressure of quenching our family’s thirst. I don’t have an attitude of gratitude so much as just an attitude.

But there are “things” for which I am perpetually grateful: my husband and children; our purple house and the pets within; our backyard and the wildlife it attracts. The family from whence I come. My friends. Time to write. Sacred, sacred, sacred.

There’s professional gratitude too. I am grateful for Naked Angels Tuesdays@9 Chicago and the weeks I get to teach at Chicago Dramatists.

And I am grateful for this blog challenge. It’s a new way of writing for me and has opened my eyes to a totally unique literary community. I like it.

Are you still there? Or did I lose you somewhere in the sap? I can’t say I blame you but if you made it this far, thank you for reading my blog. Means a lot. -Connie

Which item on the McDonald’s menu are you?

When I was 16, I worked at McDonald’s, usually the drive-thru. After a few months of working there, I really felt like I knew what customers were going to order the minute I’d see their car turn into the lot. Some people think dogs resemble their owners and vice versa. When I worked in fast food, I thought people resembled items on the McDonald’s menu. Still do. For instance, I’m a Crispy McChicken and Jesse’s a McDLT.

Anyway, I saw a lady pull in and immediately started assembling what I assumed would be her order. She looked like a “cheeseburger and a small Coke” so I started bagging the burger and pouring her drink.

“Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?”

But she ordered a Filet-o-Fish and an orange juice! It wasn’t even a Friday* and who the hell orders orange juice with fish? I felt many emotions, none of them positive.

Defeated, angry and confused, I told her, “We only serve orange juice with breakfast,” which was true at the time. I tried like mad to sell her the Coke, but she declined.

“No thank you. Just the Filet-o-Fish, please.”

I gave her the total, asked her to pull ahead to the next window and hollered to the grill to “fry the fish.”

My friend Todd busted me when he saw me surreptitiously unbagging the cheeseburger and fries. As I was placing them back in their respective bins, he pointedly asked, “What are you going to do with the drink?”

Soft drink cups get soggy and sweaty quickly, plus the ice makes the drink flat, so you can’t just “store” it for the next customer. You have to dump it.

My friend then said, “Never assume, Connie. It only makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.'”

For someone who was also a teenager, he said that with bone-chilling authority. To this day, when I am on the verge of making an assumption, I can hear him saying “Never assume, Connie…” in my mind’s ear.

Years later, I learned that Todd became a police officer. It didn’t surprise me that he wound up in a position of power. I wonder if he’s ever made any assumptions in the line of duty. Cops rarely do, right?

I’ve had more than a few stupid assumptions hurled at me, but I’ve said my share, too. I feel remorseful and wonder if I’ll ever finish making amends. But, at the risk of sounding hyperbolic: Isn’t this everyone’s experience?

Thank you for reading my blog. -Crispy McChicken

*Sales for the Filet-o-Fish increased on Fridays, especially during Lent.

There’s no place like home row

Growing up, we had a typewriter in our house and it was always a pleasure to…well, type on it. Back then, I had to take into consideration how much typewriter ribbon and paper I would be using. I didn’t want to waste the paper or inky ribbon, and that limited the amount of time I could spend typing. Because of this, I considered my “typing time” precious. I would type silly random thoughts so I could get familiar with the keys.

Hello. My name is Connie Ross. How are you today? I am doing very well. Thank you for asking. You have nice manners. By the way, I wanted to let you know the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The nerve! 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Have a great day!

For many years, I thought I just liked typing.

Of course, before the typewriter, there was paper and pen. Sometimes paper, sometimes notebooks, sometimes diaries. “Theme” paper was my favorite. I loved the way the pen felt on the paper, especially if there were two or three other sheets underneath to give it that nice cushion. It was fun to fill up the pages with my personal data. I would write my sentences over and over, forwards and backwards, and “stack” more sentences on top of them so the writing was completely illegible. My secrets were safe and I was happy, but if anyone ever saw those pages, they probably thought I was insane.

I thought I just liked practicing penmanship.

In high school and college, I studied foreign languages. I enjoyed writing in Russian, Latin, Spanish and Greek. Many notebooks were filled with cursive and printed scripts of foreign languages.

I thought I just liked learning foreign languages.

It’s funny how the body and mind find ways to guide you to what’s important.

I was 29 years old before I finally realized that I didn’t just like typing and cursive. I loved writing. That’s when I wrote my first 10-minute play and never looked back, until I this prompt.

What I like most about my (blog) writing is that it expresses the fact I simply love writing.

I prefer playwriting to blogging, but am trying to get into a rhythm of doing both. I also enjoy writing poetry, articles (reporting), essays, letters and leaving notes.

Hey, thanks for reading my typing! I hope your typing is going well for you. -Connie