Blog Posts

Higgledy piggledy, a double dactyl

It’s National Poetry Month and a couple weeks ago I saw the following poetry prompt in Writer’s Digest:

Write a smell poem.

I’m not a snob, but the word “smell” seemed unrefined so I disregarded the prompt and forgot about it until today.

This morning, I boiled 18 eggs my kids will dye for Easter. When the eggs cooled off, I placed them gently into their carton. One of the eggs cracked so I removed it and placed it on the counter with the intention of dealing with it later.

I left the house for a few hours and when I got back home, I walked in the front door and was confronted by the smell of that hard boiled egg.

I was immediately reminded of Amy. She was a breakfast-eater I worked with at Coldwell Banker Burnett many years ago. Breakfast-eaters are people who eat breakfast. Weird, right?

Now I have nothing against people who need more than coffee in the morning, but I am not one of them. Maybe you are and if you are, I hope you eat your breakfast at home or at least in the break room and not in a goddamn shared office space.

Amy did not eat her breakfast at home. She ate it at her desk which was five feet from mine. Every morning she purchased her “breakfast” from the vending machine.

I am old enough to remember when vending machines sold candy bars and potato chips. Our vending machines sold dill pickles, ramen noodles, beef jerky and various “cappuccino” options. I was always astounded by the choices.

One month, the devil stocked the vending machine with hard boiled eggs. There were several wedged in their respective coils. I remember looking at them and thinking, “God, who would ever eat a hard boiled egg from a vending machine?”

Amy would. That’s who.

***

“Morning, Connie.”

“Hi Amy.”

I can still remember the fear pulsing in my heart when I saw her clutching the packaged egg. I turned away but I still could hear her pulling the cellophane apart at the seams. There was no way to escape. The bag was unsealed and the scent of the sulfur wafted into my workspace. It permeated my clothes, my hair.

She liked it so much, she ate another one the next day. And another the day after that.

With no further ado, here is my smell poem. It’s a double dactyl.

Higgledy piggledy
   neighbor in cubicle
   ate boiled eggs that would
   make me turn green

She ate one each morning
   sanctimoniously
   til someone unplugged the
   vending machine 

Thanks for reading my blog. Hope it wasn’t a rotten egg. -Connie

P.S. Fern ate the egg.

Stop dragging your wife and move to Rockford

The front page of today’s paper says MarketWatch put Rockford on a list of “surprisingly cool towns.” Gosh, thanks MarketWatch! Your backhanded compliment tells me you are surprisingly cool, too.

Speaking of compliments, kudos to Ken DeCoster for this surprisingly cool journalism! I love how his story leads with “Proximity to Chicago and Milwaukee…” as the number one reason the forest city is so fabulous. It’s good to know that what’s cool about Rockford isn’t Rockford itself, but that it is on the way to actual cool places.

It’s really the story that just keeps giving because DeCoster interviewed Marc Strandquist, a 59-year-old Rockford native who works for a “private equity firm in the Chicago area. That’s right: DeCoster interviewed a middle-aged white guy who doesn’t actually work in Rockford for perspective! How surprisingly cool!

As DeCoster writes it, “…proximity to O’Hare International Airport” was what sold Strandquist and his wife on moving to Rockford during the pandemic.

I think the most surprisingly cool part of the story is when Strandquist is quoted in the story as saying, “I’ve dragged my wife everywhere” when they were looking for a place to live. Gosh, I hope she didn’t put up too much of a fight!

Another reason Rockford made the “surprisingly cool” cut is because you can buy a house here for less than $150,000. DeCoster also interviewed Conor Brown for this story. Brown is the CEO of Rockford Area Realtors and said Rockford has “always been a city that has been cool and creative.” How surprisingly cool to hear an unbiased comment about the city where Brown buys and sells houses for a living!

Rockford is a small city with a population of about 150,000 people. I would never call it “surprisingly cool.” I’d just call it cool. Great people, including my family, live here plus there are outstanding options for education, anti-racism, spiritual growth and science. I love writing in Rockford and can honestly say I am in a constant state of inspiration here. I love the land, I know where to get a good latte and should someone need me, I am accessible. I may not have much love for the story I read in today’s paper, but I do love it here.

Thanks for reading my unsurprisingly uncool blog. -Connie

Chicago’s Tuesdays@9 Musicians and Comedians perform at The Annoyance through May

JJ Smith was the Naked Angels Tuesdays@9 Chicago musical guest on April 12. Just brilliant. Tell your smart speaker, “Play JJ Smith” and enjoy.

Naked Angels is the longest cold reading series in the United States and there are still several weeks left in the season. Every week we read five pieces of new writing. During the intermission, we feature a musician or comedian.

Actors show up at 8:30 and say they’d like to read. A whirlwind casting frenzy takes place and the new work is then read onstage.

If you are curious about what these “naked angels” are all about, stop by The Annoyance Theatre & Bar every Tuesday night through May 17, 2022 to experience the glory! It’s free, but bring your ID and proof of vaccination to get in.

Once you’re in, let us know if you’d like to read. Joshua Fardon and Patricia Mario and I are positioned close to the door, so we’re easy to find. To increase your chances of being cast, show up no later than 8:30. The show begins at 9:00 in the little theater. The intermission begins around 10:00 and that’s when the musicians and comedians perform. A lot of fun.

After two years on Zoom, we finally resumed in-person shows in March and Gail Gallagher was our first in-person musical guest.

On March 29, Robbie Ellis was our musical guest.

And on April 5, we hosted Heather Styka.

April 12 was JJ Smith and on April 19, comedian Izzy Salhani will be perform her standup during the intermission. Here’s the schedule for the rest of the season.

Apr. 26 Gail Gallagher

May 03 Matt Keeley

May 10 Robbie Ellis

Robbie Ellis shares his interactive comedy songs with an assist from Rebecca Carver, Maeve Devitt and Michael Bassett.
Aviva Jaye (left) and Heather Styka

For our final May 17 in-person show of the season, Aviva Jaye will be our musical guest. Whether you’re a writer, actor, musician or comedian, Tuesdays@9 is for you. In fact, Tuesdays is for everyone.

Thanks for reading. Hope to see you at a Tuesdays soon! -Connie (the music director)

A tanka about ‘carlashes’

cars with eyelashes
on the headlights stare at me
dare me to blink first
another stupid contest
that makes me say why god why

Thank you for reading my late night blog! Time for me to get forty winks. -Connie

I don’t know what it is, but I like it

It was a beautiful day in Rockford. I know this because I looked out the window once or twice. For the most part, however, my eyes were glued to my manuscript and my buttocks were firmly planted in my seat; the same seat I am sitting in right now.

Connie: Buttocks, don’t be rude. Say hello!

Buttocks: Hellooooo!

Connie: Thank you, Buttocks. Dismissed.

Buttocks are confused and stay put. Connie changes subject.

I hope you like the picture. I took it yesterday at Rock Cut State Park. I’m using it for today’s blog entry because it’s a visual metaphor of my writing. Other than it being a dead tree, I don’t really know what I’m looking at, but I do like its shape and textures.

Writing all day isn’t a new sensation, but there is a special shame that accompanies me when a deadline is involved. That’s because other things get ignored in the process. Things like my chores and hydrating. My children. But the good news is I checked Facebook 14,097 times so at least I’m caught up there.

In case you are wondering what I’m writing: I am sharing scenes 3 and 4 of my full length drama Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Southwest China at Tuesdays@9. I’m introducing a new character, Shan, with these scenes.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the peek into my process (and negligence). I suppose a haiku would have been a more economic approach.

guilt is worse than pain
when you spend the day writing
buttocks stuck to seat
 

That’s the long and short of it. Thank you for reading my blog. Inside or out, I hope you had a decent weekend. -Connie

Repetition replaces rhyme

Sam holds the sibling mourning dove shells.

When I was walking Willow this morning, I found an “empty” mourning dove eggshell and brought it home. I told Sam about it when I picked him up after Track this evening. He said, “Oh, I saw it on my way to the bus this morning.” When we got to our neighborhood, he asked me to pull over. He got out of the car and retrieved “his” shell. When we got to our backyard, I showed him “my” shell. I’m pretty sure they are sibling shells.

I decided to write a sestina about the mourning dove massacre. A sestina is six stanzas with six lines followed by a 7th three-line stanza. Instead of rhyming, the last words of each stanza are repeated uniquely in the following stanza. The concluding stanza has to incorporate all six words in three lines. Iambic pentameter and repetition replaces rhyme in this kind of poem and the effect is supposed to be soothing and haunting. I’ll admit I got a little “creative” with the iambs.

Good Mourning
Mr. Grackle broke and entered the nest
and the unborn doves never had a chance.
He ate the sleeping siblings for breakfast.
They say it's part of the life cycle
but it makes me sad for Mother Nature
though i'm not the only one in mourning

When the unborn doves were asleep in their nest
they had recurring dreams about eternal mourning.
Father felt them trembling beneath him at breakfast
while mother stole seeds scattered by wind's chance.
When she flew back he told her about the eggs' nature
and they both smiled and said this was a good cycle.

Predators won't accept birdseed for breakfast.
They say it goes against their nature
so they watch over someone else's nest
and secretly wait for their chance
to remind the world they're not morning doves, they're mourning
their doves, forever swept away in a gluttonous cycle.

One month later she laid another two eggs after breakfast.
This time they are leaving nothing to chance.
Father added a fresh border of twigs around the nest, 
says it will protect them from the evils of nature.
He's feeling confident about this new cycle
but mother still spends her mornings mourning.

This morning the garbage trucks made their clamorous cycle
through the neighborhood, waking them up before breakfast.
She swears she'll poop on their heads when she gets the chance.
He smiles because he knows that's not in her nature;
her feathers ruffle but she's not going to leave that nest
until her world is filled with the coos of two new doves mourning 

She's cranky because this is a frigid spring cycle.
Every morning they wake up to snow and ice in their nest
and neither of them want to go get breakfast
but she knows she needs it and being healthy is her only chance
to fulfill her true calling, her true nature
until then she is truly mourning, truly mourning... 

Morning, she says, will never come. This is a terrible cycle!
She is tired and sore and he is bargaining with Mother Nature.
Please, he begs the goddess, give us another chance!
Let them live and I'll never skip breakfast
again and I'll always protect the nest.
Please protect us from eternal mourning.

Night cycles into morning and guess who is in the nest?
Little doves with mouths wide open expressing their mournful nature
Mother and Father say it's time for family breakfast

If you’re not up for a sestina, there are some shorties below that I wrote in between my parent-teacher conferences.

An untitled tanka.

the teachers and i
talked on the phone to discuss
my kids' potential
for achieving true success --
or were we just killing time?
An untitled haiku.

free education's
a constitutional right
fourteenth amendment

An untitled senryu.

constitution says
a free education is
yours for mis-taking
Here's a tanka about some (bad) advice I was given about how my kids should stay and 'give back' to Rockford. 

Give Back
who benefits most
when the next generation
never leaves home and
lives a manufactured life
cut from someone else's dreams 

Here's a tanka about a local scholarship called The Rockford Promise.

A Promise or a Threat
Rockford promises 
kids who maintain a three-point-
oh! free tuition!
if they matriculate at
a local institution

Thanks for reading! Did I mention it’s National Poetry Month? -Connie

O Henry!

My sister Rani and Henry.

meet henry the dog
gigantic paws and kind eyes
strong but soft and sweet

Thanks for reading my haiku! I would say it’s short because of National Poetry Month but the truth is I’m dog tired. -Connie

Oh yes it’s garbage day (oh what a day!)

tired from last night
need to take the garbage out
watch me drag my cans

Thanks for reading my poem! Senryu later! -Connie

I can’t wait to wash my mushroom!

Jocelyn and Angelo came with me on a hike yesterday. Sort of. They went one way and I went the other way. They chased each other with snowballs for the full two-mile loop and by the time we met back in the parking lot, they were both pink-faced and drenched in the specific wetness that comes from being pelted, repeatedly, with snowballs.

It must have been quite a workout because even though it was cold, they both had their jackets tied around their waists and were fanning themselves as they got into the car. They were breathless and their hot faces reflected pure joy.

They share a special bond. Jocelyn is 17 and five years older than Angelo. From an early age, Angelo insisted on spending time with Jocelyn, clearly stating, “I hate Mommy and Daddy! I only love Joce!” I suppose I should be embarrassed that my kid said he hated me, but the moment filled (and fills) me with absurd pride. I’ve always loved watching them interact.

As we drove home, they “argued” about who won the snowball fight. By all appearances, it looked like a draw. They both had several pancake-shaped wet marks on their clothes. It dawned on me that I truly didn’t (and don’t) know who won.

Was it really a draw? Did Jocelyn throw the fight? I don’t think she did.

My thoughts were interrupted when I noticed my car shaking. I looked at my speedometer. I was going 80 in a 55 mph zone. Country roads, amirite? I gently braked and set the cruise control to 55.

“Sorry about that,” I said. “I wasn’t paying attention. Remember, cruise control is your friend.”

I always apologize when I make a driving mistake in front of my kids. It’s part of how I train them to become safe drivers and embrace accountability. But sometimes I talk too much.

“I’m just excited to get home and wash my mushroom,” I added quite unnecessarily. “But that’s still no excuse for speeding.”

It’s true: I had found an artist conk in the woods and I was excited to get it home. I am absolutely that nerdy. But that wasn’t why I was speeding.

I was speeding because I was obsessing over their snowball fight. Even though we hiked in separate directions, I heard them shouting and laughing for most of the hour we were apart.

It occurs to me now that snowball fights don’t have winners and losers. I’ve never seen anyone come in from a snowball fight anything other than happy. As I reflect on the snowball fights of my youth, I remember them with warmth and fondness. Of course, I am sure there are people out there who have had terrible experiences with snowball fights. Got bullied, bruised and traumatized. I hate that but for the most part, I am pro-snowball fights, even in April.

Thanks for reading! Time to go dry off my mushroom! -Connie

My artist conk soaking in warm, sudsy water.